The Office

"You made me mess up!"

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The Office is the headquarters from which Sam & Max conduct their Freelance Police business. They don't live in it, but they spend a lot of time hanging around it waiting for The Commissioner to call with a new assignment. In the comics (and Hit the Road), they usually get a call just after entering the office; in the Telltale episodes, they usually get interrupted by the phone while passing their time doing something-or-other.

The layout of the office for whatever reason changes between incarnations and is subject to redecoration between stories as well. Still, several elements are seen throughout.

The door says "Sam & Max Freelance Police" (with "Freelance Police" below "Sam & Max").
There are a classic-looking phone and answering machine on a small table next to the door.
There is at least one window.
Sam's desk faces away from the window.
There is a small tv on Sam's desk; it has a clothes hanger for an antenna.
There is a dartboard with a number of weapons (other than darts) sticking out of it.
There are pictures on some of the walls.
The office is littered and generally soiled.
The office is next door to Flint Paper's.

In the comics[]

In Sam & Max Hit the Road[]

Messages on the message machine[]

If you check the message machine, Sam and Max would say:
Sam: "Oh boy! We've got a message!"
Max: "Gee, I hope it's something eerily provocative."
Then a random message would play (with a comment from Sam). Here are the outcomes:

Angry Man: "Hey! You're the one who cut me off on highway 364! You're a jerk! ...um... so there!"

Sam's mom: "Sam, it's your mother calling to wish you a good morning. Be careful, honey and try not to get shot today, okay?"
Sam: "Doesn't she know I'm old enough to make my own decisions about getting shot?"

Calm Man: "Hi. I'm calling about your upcoming auction of confiscated automatic weapons. Do you sell to convicted felons?"
Sam: "Hey, who are we to discriminate?"

Angry Man 2: "Hey! You're the jerk who sideswiped me on the Queensborough Bridge! Don't think I didn't get a good look at your long fluffy ears! See you in court!"
Sam: "We may have to go over there and terrify the righteous indignity out of that little fellow."

Dull Guy: "Hello, is this Saint Francis Pie Shop? I'd like to order 200 lemon meringue pies and a small diet cola. Hea, hea, hea."
Sam: "I wonder if the pie shop gets calls reporting machete-wielding intruders?"

In the animated series[]

Animated series office — In the animated series.

The key notes on this version's office include the door's location directly across the windows, the closet serving as storage space for Sam and Max's stockpile of weapons, and the "Brovinington" typewriter (seen in the foreground in Sam & Max Hit the Road), which Sam puts to use in The Invaders.

The office is otherwise much like in the other incarnations, but is complemented by the Sub-Basement of Solitude, located below the office building. Maintained by The Geek, the Sub-Basement contains several huge computers, a laboratory, an armory and a garage for the DeSoto (none of which Sam and Max have or need in the other incarnations). Episodes often start with The Geek having Sam & Max come over to the Sub-Basement, instead of The Commissioner calling.

In the Telltale episodes[]

Office telltale — In the Telltale episodes. The door is off-screen on the left wall, the closet is on the right.

This incarnation is similar to the design of the office that would have appeared in Freelance Police, differing in that the door is no longer opposite to the windows. The closet is filled with cheese in Culture Shock, and afterward contains souvenirs from the previous episodes. The rest of the office also picks up increasingly many souvenirs, especially in Season 2.

In Season 1, Jimmy Two-Teeth, Hubert and Mr Spatula live in the office. Also from episode 3, Leonard is locked in the closet. In Season 2, Flint Paper can be reached through a hole in the wall opposite the windows. Since the rest of the building hasn't been seen yet, neither has Flint Paper's door nor office.

Answering Machine Messages[]

The Answering Machine's messages play in order, with different messages per episode, except for Culture Shock. Occasionally, Sam and/or Max may comment on them. Below is a list of the Answering Machine's Messages, as well as Sam and Max's comments:

Situation: Comedy:[]

Message 1:

Max: "Sam. It's me! Open the window, I'm trapped on the ledge again!"

Message 2:

Max: "Sam, Come on! I have to pee! and the PTA is here! and they're Carrying Signs."

Message 3:

Max: "Hey Sam, it's me again. I found a way to solve all three of my problems at once! buuut, I'm gonna be needing bail..."

Message 4:

Sybil: "Hi Sam, This is your therapist calling. I have to cancel your appointment, because I'm giving up the practice to go into publishing. Speaking of which, Thanks for all the Great Material!"

The Mole, The Mob, and the Meatball:[]

Message 1:

Sam: "Hi, Sam. This is yourself. Don't forget to listen to the Answering Machine Messages. and give Max a smack. from me."

Message 2:

Max: "Hi, Sam. This is yourself again. Don't forget to erase the answering machine messages before you listen to them. and give Max his own battle tank. from me."

Abe Lincoln Must Die!:[]

Message 1:

Puppet President: "Hello, Constituents, This is your president. When I took office three years ago, I made a solemn promise to help you, the American people. Now, thanks to your short-term, I can say that I've delivered on that promise."

Message 2:

Puppet President: "In the upcoming elections, it's important to ask yourself: Do you feel safer than you did three years ago? Or would you rather return to the days when crazed packs of robotic hyenas prowled the streets, targeting their Death-Ray laser eyes on you, and on your children?"

Message 3:

Puppet President: "As far as you know, My administration is the only thing keeping your home safe from the bloodthirsty robotic hyenas. Remember that, and God Bless America."

Announcer(speaking quickly, as if reading a disclaimer): "Paid for by the committee to remain in office at any cost."

Reality 2.0:[]

Message 1:

"Margie": "Hello, Mr. President. This is Margie, Your scheduling assistant, with some changes for this week. You still have impeachment hearings on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, But the one on Wednesday has been pushed back for your War crimes trial. Thanks!"

Message 2:

"Margie": "Hello again, Mr. President. Just a reminder that you're still scheduled to visit middle schools this week to remind kids of the importance of staying in school. As usual, we'll have therapists on hand after your speech to talk with the more traumatized children."

Message 3:

"Margie": "One more thing, Mr. President. Your opponents have finally decided to cancel their weekly election ballot recounts. According to your calendar, that should free up the hour and a half each week you have marked as "Time to Gloat"."

Bright Side of the Moon:[]

Message 1:

Benny Three-Knees: "Yo Jimmy! This is Benny Three-Knees from Researches and Developments. Da Boys in da lab sez dey ain't got nothin' that'll get rid of a Dog and a Bunny all Quick-and-Subtle-like. Best youse can do is rig da answein' machine to shock 'em when they's played da third message.

Message 2:

Margie: "Hello, Mr. President. The Prime Minister of Peepantsistan has announced that you have once again dishonored his country, and he demands satisfaction. He'll be waiting, pistols drawn, in the usual place.

Message 3:

Jimmy Two-Teeth: Uh, Hello, Sam, dis is Sybil. I T'ink I'm Preggo, and you're da responsible party, see?

Sam: Sybil must have a cold, or something.

Max: No kidding. did she say she thought she was a jar of spaghetti sauce?

Ice Station Santa:[]

Message 1:

Max: "Yes, this is President M...I mean, this is I.P Freely. (Strange voice)Do you have Leonard Steakcharmer in your closet? (Normal voice)* Giggle* Then you should see a doctor about that! No, wait, let me start over..."

Sam: Max, Crank Calls only work when you call someone besides us.

Max: This is the only phone number I can remember, Sam!

Message 2:

Max: *Giggle* I'm Looking for Amanda Beatenpummel? Wait...Ah, Never Mind.

Moai Better Blues:[]

Message 1:

Max: Hi, Max. It's Max. from the future. I've come back to warn you: Don't forget the 12 Monkeys. Also, Tell Sam I said hi.

Sam: What was that about?

Max: I'm making twelve monkey chili!

Sam: And do you usually forget to add the monkeys?

Max: No, I usually forget to peel them.

Message 2:

Blood Bank Clerk: This is the blood bank calling for Mr. Max. Um, thanks for your very generous donation but we'd really prefer that people only donate their own blood.

Max: Great. Now what are we going to do with all those buckets of sea monster blood?

Sam: We could build a grotesque slip n' slide.

Max: Great Idea! We'll call it "The Birth Canal".

Night of the Raving Dead:[]

Message 1:

Sybil: This is Sybil. Could you please tell "Honest" Abe that I'll never speak to him again in my whole life, ever, even if I am being dragged through the streets by wild donkeys? Thanks.

Message 2:

Sybil: It's Sybil. If you see Mr. Lincoln, tell him he left his hat at my place. And P.S, he owes me a new hat rack!

Message 3:

Sybil: Sybil again. Tell what's-his-name that I haven't thought of him in months, and oh yeah, I've got men falling all over me. Eat that, cheater! Okay, Thanks, guys.